The Cyprus Tudors

I recently found myself in Cyprus, my homeland, and besides the heat and mosquitoes, I found one more thing bothering me the most: people’s attitude. As I was watching the TV series The Tudors, I couldn’t help but draw some similarities between England of the 15^th and 16^th centuries and Cyprus of the 21^st century.

1.     It is a male-dominated society – sort of. The colours are a lot greyer in Cyprus but even in The Tudors you could see that men’s decisions were easily manipulated by their lust for women. Yet males still hold more power in some matters, especially when it comes to issues of sex and cheating. If a man sleeps around, he is nothing more than a man – and he needs to be congratulated. If a woman sleeps around, she is a harlot.

2.      Every girl is believed to be a virgin when she gets married.

3.      Sex is far more important than anything else. The country is at chaos, the economy is in shambles, but everyone’s primary concern is “who are we going to f*ck tonight?”.

4.      Every family in Cyprus is royal. Or tries to be. Every man is a president of something, every wife thinks she is the Queen and should be treated so by everyone around her and everyone’s kids are spoiled like little princes and princesses. Everyone’s concern (apart from sex of course) is “whose ass are we going to kiss today?” and how to acquire or elevate their position. Thanks to the small size of the country, the six-degree separation becomes two-degrees and most jobs, favours and privileges are handed out according to whom you know and not what you know.

5.   Friendships are mainly formed according to the social status and acceptance. God forbid you are to be seen hanging around with a person of lower status than you.

6.    Everyone is polite to your face. And secretly sharpening the knife they will backstab you with the minute you are no longer of use to them. People greet you with a smile, call you “my friend”, hug and kiss you, yet can’t wait to spread some juicy malicious gossip about you the minute you disappear out the door. They will use you when need you and forget all about you afterwards.

7.     Homosexual people get married – not with each other but with heterosexual partners. And then cheat on them with their best friends while they are supposedly out having drinks.

8.    King Henry was a greedy, arrogant, bipolar, spoiled brat. The same can be said about the president of Cyprus. King Henry made laws to suit his own needs. The president of Cyprus also puts himself above the law, clearing himself of any responsibilities for anything gone wrong during his reign over the island, such as the confiscated weapons explosion which caused the lives of 13 young people and brought the country’s economy to its knees.

9.     The church has a prominent role. And it is not the role it should have. The church is involved in politics, in scandals and in covering them up, instead of doing their part to lead the people into a pure and virtuous life. Texts are interpreted the way people want them to and in a way that satisfies their own needs. As for the average Christians of Cyprus nowadays, they are more concerned about wearing an expensive suit during the Christmas ceremony than helping a homeless person who might be dying of hunger at the same time they proclaim their love for the newborn Jesus.

10. There are enemies lurking all around the country, yet civil wars are more fun it seems. To expand on this would take years but I should hope so the message is pretty clear and straight-forward.