Recently I received some not-so-great news, which I will not share with you nor will I share the nature of the problem, but I would rather skip all that and go straight into the lessons taught (or not). The problem itself is easily resolved and hardly disturbing; just a bit annoying and frustrating. It adds up though to the series of bad strikes I have always had throughout my life and confirms my suspicions that even though other people lead more reckless lives, I am destined to be targeted and face battles which others luckily escape. This is what makes it most unfair and angering. Why would karma always pick on me, while allow other people who have been unfair, dishonest, immature, irresponsible, sometimes even devious, slip away?
I know what a lot of people will think; that I, like others, enjoy being the victim, thinking that the greater purpose in life is to be unhappy and all that. Don’t get me wrong, I do acknowledge that there are far worse problems in life; life-threatening diseases, wars, poverty, hunger. Yet I can only wish that I could change all that but I can barely influence and alter the things happening in my own life. And even though my problems are minor, it is their summation and continuous flow which makes me wonder if this streak of bad luck will ever end or not.
Just as I was thinking all of the above, enters a person in my life which did me wrong about 5-6 months ago. We stopped communicating, I thought it was all over, yet – like many other idiots of my past – this person made contact after such a long period of time. Normally, I would think “Why don’t these losers get on with their fucking lives and leave me alone in peace? Why do they keep coming back?” However, the timing of this person’s return was more than perfect, nicely aligned with the news I had received on the day, and only one word kept echoing though my brain’s neurons: Vengeance.
The timing was too good to be just a coincidence. Did this opportunity appear itself to me so that I could take advantage of it and have my revenge? I am, after all, a vengeful person, and despite what other people say, I enjoy having the last word and watching people pay for their past actions. I consider it mainly “justice” rather than “revenge”. Or did this opportunity appear itself as a test; to check if I could be the bigger person and move on with my life, without turning back to the past. I chose not to do anything about it in the end. Not for the reasons you might think; not because revenge is wrong or that I would not have achieved anything. Not because I should or want to be the bigger person. If it’s one lesson that I learned from all this, is that being the “nice guy” will not get you far. It’s the lack of morals and principles that usually frees people and allows them to succeed.
I did not do it, simply because it could backfire. And with my history of bad luck, I believe it to be almost certain that this would kick me right back down again sooner, than later. So there you go, I chose not to take revenge purely on selfish reasons; to protect myself and no-one else. Not even for the “good of my soul”. Does that make me an evil person? Perhaps. Yet I do what I must to overcome my latest obstacle and ensure that it does not haunt me anymore. As for the person from the past: Ignoring them was a sort of revenge too, since this is what they did to me in the first place. So, in a way, I did have the last word. It just happened to be a silent one.
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